If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
two words...techno handjob
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize