My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
