its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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