Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
