I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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