Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
