I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
