bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
