I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
