I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
