my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
