she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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