ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
