I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
