I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
