OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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