i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
