so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
