it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
