I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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