I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
