I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
