The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
