i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
