Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
