Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
