I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize