Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
