She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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