you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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