Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
