you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
