why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
