I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
