need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
