I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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