He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
