Sry I called you an 8
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's just like the Real World with babies
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
