THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
