In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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