If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
