so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
