I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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