why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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