I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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