Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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