when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
