i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
