i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
