Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
