i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
