Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
