Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
