Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
