Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
