this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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