I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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