allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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