Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
