i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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