I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
