What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize