please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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