went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
