Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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