I want to have your abortion
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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