her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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