Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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