I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
