yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
