K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
