there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
