Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
