you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
