The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
