Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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