Kiss
Puke
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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