Life is so much better after having sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
