he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
