I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
