he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
