You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
