There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize