but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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