so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
