did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
