I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
