jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
