Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
