Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Randomize
