Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drake has all the answers
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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