If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
