road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
