i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
