Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
