yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
