we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
