we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
