Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
